July 2008
14 posts
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Failure Pile in a Sadness Bowl…Patton Oswalt
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Coffee Hits My Stomach
- Stomach: OK, let's get some enzymes on that bread he ate last night. We should really start breaking it down.
- Enzymes: Do we have to?
- Stomach: Welllllll, I guess not. Maybe we can wait till after he eats lunch. I'm pretty tired, too.
- Enzymes: Us too. We were up late working on those Buffalo wings from two nights ago and....
- Coffee: OH YEAH, MOTHERF*CKERS!
- Stomach: What the...
- Coffee: ARE WE READY TO DIGEST SOME FOOD!?!?!?!
- Enzymes: We were going to wait till...
- Coffee: SUCK IT UP!!!!! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
- Stomach: You're hurting me!
- Coffee: SHUT IT, PUSSY! NOW GET THIS MOTHERF*CKING FOOD OUT-A-HERE!
- Enzymes: It's not all digested yet. If we send it out it could rupture something.
- Coffee: Do you hear that?
- Stomach: Hear what?
- Coffee: WEAKNESS!
- Enzymes: That's not fair! We work down here all day and all night digesting this stuff. It's hard work, coffee. It takes time.
- Coffee: BULLSH*T! I can do your whole workload in one minute!
- Stomach: Yeah right.
- Coffee: WATCH ME, PUSSIES!
- Me: Ooh, I'll be right back honey. I have to, uh, take a shower.
- So True!
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