![rachell:
“You ever walk behind someone walking so slow you have to hold yourself back from stabbing them? ‘…You better move it along, huh. My walker has wheels for a reason.’ You ever walk next to that stranger who wants to walk the same speed as you? ‘…Get the fuck away from me… what are we—on a date here? I don’t even know you.’Sometimes I find myself being a weirdo… you ever been walking next to some stranger and for no reason at all you decide that if you beat them to the corner, you’ll be a millionaire? They’re like, ‘whatever’. HAHA! I get to press the walk button [at the intersection] for you! … You think those walk buttons do anything? I think some guy at the government was like, ‘What can we give the morons to press? How bout a button!?’ You always press ‘em, you’re like, ‘…maybe I didn’t press it hard enough…’ Then someone will come up and be like, ‘Did you press it?’ —‘Yeah, I pressed it.’ They’re like, ‘Why don’t you press it again?’—‘You’re like, ‘Yeah I’ll press it again.’ Then at that point it changes and you’re like, ‘I did that. I changed the traffic in the city… I have a lot of power.’ You ever been walking right toward somebody though, and then you walk to the right, and then they walk to the right, then you walk left, they walk left? You know how there’s like that awkward moment? …Just lean forward and kiss ‘em.‘….looked like you wanted it from my angle.’Then when they’re walking away just hit ‘em on the ass. (Pshhh) ‘You’ll be back! You’ll be back for some of that loving.”— Jim Gaffigan](http://19.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ksomd5vExj1qzviodo1_400.png)
…genius TV writer/producer Sam Simon, who last worked on The Simpsons in 1993. “Sam is still an executive producer of the show; he just doesn’t have to do anything for his piece of The Simpsons, which provides him with $20 to $30 million a year to this day.”
Not for nothing, Sam is responsible for writing/exec-producing episodes in some of the show’s best years (seasons 1-5), so it’s not like he didn’t do anything to earn it. Even better than making $20 mill a year for doing nothing is that his ex-wife, Jennifer Tilly, has made an estimated nine figures over the years just for divorcing the guy (according to Sam on Howard Stern). Yeah. Like over $100 million. Not a typo.
This and much, much more in the fascinating The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History by John Ortved. And this from a guy who is most certainly not a fanboy. I’m only halfway through and I’m already amazed at all the backstabbing and horribleness that went on behind the scenes.
That book sounds like an amazing read. I used to be a die hard Simpsons fan, but fell off the wagon somewhere around season 14. And even then I thought I had stayed loyal to the show for a couple of seasons too long. I only held on that long because, well, I was raised on the show. When it first aired, Bart and I were both in 4th grade. We sort of grew up together. I had been a fan of the sketches on the Tracy Ullman Show for years before The Simpsons became it’s own entity. I had so much Simpsons merchandise that in 5th grade I actually owned a book ABOUT all the Simpsons merchandise that was out there. I was once the king of Simpsons’ quotes. I wrote an episode for one of my screenwriting classes in film school (obviously it was never made into an actual episode, but I did notice a lot of the ideas I came up with in future episodes). I took a class called “The Simpsons and Philosophy” in college. It ruled my life. I still credit them for nurturing and developing the sense of humor that I have today.
However, I have never had a lot of knowledge about what went on behind the scenes at the show. It’s not that I wasn’t interested, I just didn’t ever seek it out. It looks like The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History by John Ortved is going to change that. I can’t wait to get my hands on this book…
